I AM ASOCIAL (How To Be My Best Friend)

Part One of How To Be My Best Friend. Interested in signing up, huh? It’s not that hard, really! Make yourself comfortable and let’s get started.


First of all, let’s get this out of the way. I’m asocial. Have we got this done? I’m asocial. It might not seem like it (considering how much I type, wow) but it’s true. I’m asocial. In case you don’t know what asocial means (or if you’re confusing it with anti-social, because that’s what I thought I was at first too), I’ll explain it out first.

asocial

1.

not sociable or gregarious; withdrawn from society.
2.

indifferent to or averse to conforming to conventional standards of behavior.
3.

inconsiderate of others; selfish; egocentric.
antisocial

1.

unwilling or unable to associate in a normal or friendly way with other people.
2.

antagonistic, hostile, or unfriendly toward others; menacing; threatening.
3.

opposed or detrimental to social order or the principles on which society is constituted.

In another way to look at it, asocial is passive (withdrawing from social interaction, choosing to take thing on your own pace without concern for other people) while antisocial is active (engaging with people in a hostile manner, being difficult to socialize with but only because you make everyone around you uncomfortable).

Like I said before, I had initially thought asocial and antisocial were the same thing, but we’ve just hammered out how different these words are. Well then, why is that when I search up “signs that you are asocial”, all I get are articles about being antisocial?? They’re not the same things! Looks like somebody (read: I) will have to write a post on all the signs of being asocial.

Back to the topic. We’ve established what being asocial means and now I have to tell you that I really am asocial- or at least, I have frequent asocial phases. There are moments when I HATE getting push notifications on my phone (whether twitter or whatsapp or instagram) and I feel like throwing my phone at the wall and screaming because I don’t want to talk to anyone- I don’t want anyone to see that I’ve ‘seen’ their messages, I just want to be alone and talk to absolutely no one because just the notification that someone is in my inbox freaks me out.

Just the other day, a friend of mine messaged me and the push notification came up as “I found an article you-” and the rest of the message was cut off. I’m not joking when I tell you how my heart rate went up and I was silent cursing this person, wishing they didn’t message me at all because I had instantly assumed that they had discovered my blog and all these posts I write and that they were critical about something. I spent 20 minutes worrying about it before finally opening the message to find out they’re written “I found an article you might find interesting” and a link to a news website. I breathed a sigh of relief, glad that a catastrophe had been averted.

That’s me online. Check out me in real life.
– Plans to go out cancelled? Guess who’s celebrating.
– Begs mom to say no to going out so I can tell my friends with a straight face “my mom said no”
– Won’t talk to anyone unless absolutely forced to.
– Prefers sitting in a corner rather than walking up and down a corridor or talking to other people while waiting in school.
– Need to buy something? Won’t walk up to cashier and talk if there’s someone else with me.
– Alone at a party? Guess who’s hanging out in the bathroom until a friend arrives.

Anyway! Of course I’ve been told a couple of times that I need to fix myself and believe me, I’ve tried. It’s a lot of hassle to be very honest! In an effort to appear social (mostly online), I have this weird mental calculation of conversations. It goes something like-

If they wrote eight words to me, would writing a five word answer be correct? Should I add more articles and adjectives to pull the words up to ten? Will a ten word answer be okay? Would they think I’m writing too much junk? Would writing five words mean I’m disinterested, since I summed up my answer in the minimal possible words?? Also if someone hasn’t replied to me in over 24 hours, do I assume they’re mad at me? Should I follow up my previous messages with another message? Would saying “hey, you there?” be passive aggressive, because they can easily see that I wrote them a ten word answer to their previous two word message? Are they ignoring me or are they busy? Maybe I shouldn’t message them anything??

And in real life, there have been moments where I sit down and this really talkative person is talking to me and I’m sitting there like “if this was an english exam, I’d be able to condense the ten minutes they’re constantly talking into 2 minutes… Amazing how they’re stretching things out? If I listen really hard, it’s like hearing white noise because most of what they’re saying is spread out so much and repeated so often… I wonder how I could talk like that…”

News flash, I can’t talk like that. If I repeat something over even once, I feel extremely stupid. Even if I say something like “I had a lot of fun at the park today, I walked around and it was a lot of fun!”. I would mentally face palm and chide myself about repeating unnecessary information and during this whole process of lecturing myself, I go silent and the other person is like “well ok what’s wrong with you”

Anyway! The point is, I’m pretty asocial. I know there are a lot of people out there in the internet who claim to be asocial too, and that’s because asocial tends to be overlapped with “shy” and “introverted” (not anti-social. please remember that anti-social and asocial are two different things). However, shy people might want to go out and have fun, but lack the confidence to put themselves out there.

Asocial people don’t want to go in the first place. Somebody asocial like me is busy thinking things like “ugh I have to go get ready, I have to go there and talk to people and eat in front of people, gross, it’s such a hassle. I hate taking pictures, I hate having my pictures taken, I’d much rather stay in bed, can I still pretend to be sick? Can I call in sick and bail out? I’m gonna call in sick…”

You think you can’t be best friends with an asocial person? Well, I’m gonna tell you how you’re oh-so-very-wrong! Stay tuned for part 2.

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Author: Kanra Khan

I'm a Pakistani American student of medicine, or more precisely, an almost-graduate of MBBS Class of 2019. I like to write about my experiences in med school and my adventures in life, which range from traveling, to art, to blogging and photography. Like what you're seeing so far? Consider exploring a bit more! The Lunar Descent is endless.

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